Congratulations Senator Brown!
You ran an exceptionally clean and positive campaign and achieved a win of historic – even Herculean proportion. Without intending to you have single-handedly changed the face and the tone of American politics – at least for 2010. Your win has re-energized our battered party. Thank you!
As the most junior member of Congress, you will for awhile be the most famous, – and the most watched. You are about to find out that running for national office was the easy part, – living it will be far harder. Here are a few pointers.
Take time to thank everybody. This was not your win, – and not even a Republican win. You won because enough disaffected Democrats finally woke up and saw their old party had been hijacked. You won because independents were already awake, – many joining Tea Parties. You won because those Republicans who were uninspired by McCain and stayed home in November 2008 were now frightened enough of ObamaCare to come out and vote for you. You won because you ran against the perfect storm of a ethically flawed opponent, an arrogant overly cocky Democratic Party, and our narcissistic president who thought it was clever to come here and rail against your pickup truck.
And in a very large measure you won because people all across this nation took a big chance on you, donating money, making phone calls into Massachusetts, and sending e-mails on your behalf. And they prayed – hard! You were the first post-Obama national candidate. You are now the Anti-bama! Scott, do not let these supporters – either in Massachusetts or across our nation – down. Your re-election campaign begins today.
You will now need to be a more courageous and more ethical man than you could have ever imagined. Every temptation known to mankind will be offered to you, – wealth, power, sex, drugs, convenience, luxury – all to either buy your votes, or to corrupt and destroy you. When that fails, you may be blackmailed or bullied in unsubtle ways. I strongly suggest that you and your family consult with a reliable security specialist, and even take defensive driving courses. You and your ladies are now targets, and these Soros thugs are ruthless and deadly.
A brief further word about sex Scott. You are a good looking and presumably healthy guy. Even if you weren’t that all-important 41st or 60th vote, the ladies of DC would be chasing after you. You will be a prized notch on their bedposts. But because you are that 41st vote, you will be targeted by some very seductive operatives. All they need is one photo, one e-mail, one dinner meeting, – just one innocent thing that they can spin into a scandal – and your effectiveness and your reputation will be cooked. Keep good people [witnesses] around you at all times.
Trust no smiling faces! You are going into a jungle filled with carnivores and snakes, – and insects. Most of these people have already sold their souls and their honor many times, – they’ll gladly stab you in the back and sell your corpse to the highest bidder. So worry less about making friends and more about reading the bills and understanding how they might effect our citizens. Constituent services are important, but your voting record and your ethics are what you will be judged upon in 2012. Come 2012 the Dems will still be hauling out Fat Teddy’s ghost in an attempt to “win back Teddy’s seat“. They’re stuck on stupid. Don’t fall for it.
As our highest elected Republican official, you’ve now become the titular head of the MassGOP. It needs an immediate housecleaning, and you should attend to this detail quickly. We have just nine (9) short months to dump Duh-val and sweep out the Gang of Ten. The current leadership and staff on Merrimack Street are incapable of leading that effort. They have a different agenda.
There is a resource you should tap into, – the group of retired Republican senators and congressmen who know the ropes and who can offer insights and advice. I would also urge you to have a chat with Senator Robert Byrd, because where Obama’s bills and maneuvers violate our Constitution, you may find him a staunch ally. Your arrival will provide those few decent Democrats the cover they’ve needed to break away from Harry Reid’s lockstep march into socialism.
For the next few weeks and months you’ll be watched, profiled, and quoted daily. Thus you are in a unique position to bring some reason into the out-of-control hysteria about man-made global warming, and about the so-called evils of American business and manufacturing. You are well aware that forty-plus years of anti-industry legislation and taxation have turned Massachusetts and New England towns into economic ghost towns. We need to end that hysteria, and create the climate which will bring manufacturing back. For the moment you will have the spotlight. Be the voice that restores sanity to these discussions.
As a trial lawyer and a JAG, you can bring some reason to the Obama administration’s ridiculous coddling of Islamic terrorists. Eric Holder is dead wrong! Terrorists should be tried where captured – by military tribunals. You will note that a plane went down today under very suspicious circumstances just minutes after departing Beirut. Firing squads are the best answers to murderers.
Most of your voters expect you to take a strong stand against illegal immigration. We value our country, and we want to balance our sovereignty with secure borders and a legal path to immigration and eventual citizenship.
Senator, work hard for us, – and know we’ll be praying hard for you! Take two salt pills and drive on!
/s/ Iron Mike
Old Soldier, – Still Good for Parts!