BREAKING: Maryland Wins 3rd US Senate Seat

Posted June 25th, 2013 by Iron Mike

Massachusetts labor union voters surrender sovereignty – give Lurch’s senate seat to Ed WinsChevy Chase Eddie.Warren

Senator Squaw left to carry Massachusetts by herself.

In a press conference following his 54/46 win over Navy SEAL Gabriel Gomez, Markey thanked his Massachusetts supporters.  “The MassDEMS really know how to crank that machine.  That poor Mexican – Gomez – was wasting his time.  He never stood a chance!”

I’m proud to be elevated to the US Senate after 37 years in the House. While I’ll always have fond memories of my time there, – it is a relief to be out from under Pelosi’s thumb.  I think Harry Reid will be a much better boss.  Does anybody know, – will I get another retirement check?

Reid and WarrenAsked for a comment, Senator Warren seemed perplexed:  “It’s been a strain carrying the double load since John went to State,…  I’ve been hoping for a little help…  But Eddie just told me he’s not going back to Massachusetts again until October next year, – unless that redheaded Kennedy kid gives him a primary battle. I guess I’m on my own…”

Just then Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid stepped in to reassure Warren. “Don’t worry Princess, it’ll be alright;…Eddie’s a good boy,…he knows his place.  That’s why we picked him.”

RRB reached Maryland’s two senior senators, – Barbara Mikulski and Ben Cardin for reaction – which was mixed.   Cardin, just reelected to his second term was gracious – saying he ”…welcomes any additional support that Maryland can get in these times…”.

Mikulski was more direct: “…Markey?  That lazy do-nothing Massachusetts carpetbagger?  You tell that fool to go sit on his mushroom and keep his mouth shut!” She shook her fist and added “And you tell him don’t be raising any campaign funds here in Maryland.  This is my turf!”

We then called Chappaqua New York for a comment from retired SecState Clinton.  We ~ may ~ have reached her at a bad moment… “Markey..?  Markley..?  No, I don’t believe I’ve heard that name.  What did he just win?  Oh, a Senate seat from Maryland.  Oh,…what happened to Barbara,…did something happen to Barbara?”
Deval and Markey

Governor Patrick stopped by the victory celebration to congratulate the new Senator. “Well, Ed, you’re going to have big shoes to fill.  I think Lurch wears size 13s…  When will we be seeing you again?”

Markey smiled, “Oh, come October next year.  You know how much I love this state at election time!
Markey Wins

8 Responses to “BREAKING: Maryland Wins 3rd US Senate Seat”

  1. WesternCiv

    RE: Markey wins —
    “Stupid is as stupid does.” (Forrest Gump)

  2. Curley Joe

    A true spanking… But MA GOP will keep putting up RINOs

  3. Casey Chapman

    All I could do was shake my head. When, oh, WHEN will the massGOP put up a real conservative, instead of all these Rino’s and D.I.D.’s? That’s the reason we lost. Oh, that, and the $6 MILLION that Markey was able to spend, thanks to Mayor Bloomberg and his political machine poking their nose in where it doesn’t belong!!!!!!!!

  4. Leo The Lion

    The problem with “socially liberal but fiscally conservative” Republicans like Gomez can be simply stated: culture and character are more important than politics. A Republican candidate lacking the metaphysics and the guts to champion conservative social issues will, if, elected, also lack the metaphysics and the guts to implement conservative fiscal policies.


    Eloquently and succinctly said Leo! [Sadly, over the heads of most cafeteria Republicans.]

  5. Kojack

    Until we have CLOSED PRIMARY elections the UNENROLLED MASSHOLES will continue to cross over and elect RiNO’s to run against the DUMBOCRATS in the general elections where they will ALWAYS lose.

    Not only do I personally know of UNENROLLED DUMBOCRATS but when my wife who is unenrolled votes in primaries they always assume she wants a DUMBOCRAT ballot due to the frequency with which this happens.

  6. Len Mead

    Rabid readers — can’t you learn that people who vote in this state just don’t want conservatives in public office? How many losses will it take?

    Like the alcoholic who has to wake up in the gutter close to death before stopping the drinking, Massachusetts will have to “progress” to where only illegals and democrats are left to vote tax hikes on the fleeing “rich.” Then, when there’s no more “rich” left – like Detroit, the state collapses into bankruptcy.

    Why hang around while the democrats flog the dying horse? The only hope for change sooner is if rabid tea party leaders oust the MA GOP RINOS and start fielding real conservatives who can champion why conservative values are better for everyone than democrat wealth re-distribution.

  7. Kim

    But Len – Senator Brown said on FNC this morning that the rabid tea party folks are the problem with the Republican Party in Mass, they just keep insisting on conservatives when they should know better in Massachusetts. And then the spoiled little brats sit out the election and don’t go to the polls to vote for the RINO. . . No mention of Kirsten Hughes fundraising plea for her own City Council seat a week before the election. Anyone else remember the Mass GOP ever sending out fundraising letters for City/Town seats??? I can’t recall a single instance. . . but considering how much GG was outspent, you would think Hughes would be more concerned about a Senate seat.

  8. Paul J Baldi

    Hard to imagine finding two bigger jackasses than the
    “KY” brothers (Kennedy and Kerry) for the US Senate,
    but the Mass Holes did it!! We have Princess Liawatha
    and Ed “What Me Worry” Murkey. Talk about dumbing down
    the electoral process!!