April 1st 2017: The Nightmare Evolves…

Posted March 31st, 2013 by Iron Mike

BREAKING NEWS! President Hillary Clinton interrupted Press Secretary Chris Matthews as he conducted the usual WH briefing this morning – to make a series of brief announcements in person:
April 2017

Noting that the Nation is still shocked by the shooting deaths of Supreme Court Justices Scalia and Thomas just two weeks ago, – Hillary announced she is nominating former governors Andrew Cuomo of NY and Deval Patrick of Massachusetts to the High Court.

She confirmed rumors that Teresa Heinz Kerry will succeed her husband John as SecState, – that Paul Krugman will become SecTreasury, and Former Congressman Dennis Kucinich is being named SecDef.

Pressed by reporters, Clinton confirmed that since her divorce [filed in White Plains on November 10th] is now final, – long-time assistant Huma Abedin has moved into the White House as ‘First Partner’.  Ms. Abedin will also serve as Special Envoy to Israel.

White House first partnerAsked about Bill, – Hillary remarked that he and Barack have lined up a number of speaking engagements, and are expected to be on the road for some months.

The president then listed other nominations….

Former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg will succeed Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. 

“I have assigned the entire 101st Airmobile Division to Secretary Bloomberg to assist him in our nation-wide gun roundup.  Any person found after August 1st with any type of magazine-fed weapon will face jail time….and confiscation of their homes.”

Speaking with a degree of anger Clinton stated, “President Lincoln suspended Habeas Corpus,…well,…I’m suspending the 4th Amendment and Posse Comitatus until we get these damned killing machines rounded up!”

“I’m naming Rosie O’Donnell to continue the work of Arne Duncan at the Department of Education.  And I’ve asked Thomas Friedman to serve as Chairman of the Federal reserve Board.  Fareed Zakarah will be our new Ambassador to the United Nations”, continued Mrs. Clinton. 

When reporters attempted to ask Mrs. Clinton about the fate of Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and Sean Hannity, – she raised her hand and said that her “…policy was not to interfere with ongoing criminal investigations, – that she has ‘ultimate confidence in the abilities of Attorney General Holder…to investigate these leaders of the right-wing conspiracy”.

6 Responses to “April 1st 2017: The Nightmare Evolves…”

  1. Tom

    This is not evolving it is like a freight train speeding down the track on a collision course with the Constitution. You forgot to mention the new Veep, Michelle, my belle, Obama.

  2. MC

    With my belle as Veep you forgot to mention the body mass meters in the grocery stores to determine what you can and can’t purchase. NONONONO too much sugar, carbs and salt for you! Return to the produce grazing section to make your selections. With the shortage of corn, tofu is so yummy! Where’s the Beef !

  3. Walter Knight

    “Bring down that fence, Governor Perry,” ordered President Hillery Clinton as parts of the American Southwest were deeded back to Mexico, in conpliance with a World Court decision. “Next, we’re giving Alaska back to our Russian friends, to avoid further World Court litigation and embarrassment. It’s too cold up there anyway.”

  4. Casey Chapman

    How about deeding North Dakota and Minnesota to Canada while you’re at it? And George Soros as Director of the CIA.

  5. Prim

    China is given part of our Federal Lands in lieu of interest that we can’t pay.

  6. Jim

    I need clarification on, “She confirmed rumors that Teresa Heinz Kerry will succeed her husband John as SecState.” Would John be Hilary’s husband or Teresa’s at this point? These are Democrats after all. Teresa would have had to give John the boot though because Hilary doesn’t have the money to attract a high net-worth gold-digger like John. She would have had to promise him the VP slot next term.


    Lurch and his ‘bridezilla’ have a villa in southern France. So he’d be named ‘Ambassador to France’, and they’d smuggle the rest of her fortune out in diplomatic pouches.